


Find Joy In Your Sorrow

by Charlie9646



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: AU, Angst, Asexual Character, Emotional, F/M, Foolish Severus, Gentle Regulus, Grey Severus Snape, M/M, Music, Not the best parenting, Piano, Soulmates, asexual Severus, not exactly HEA but close
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-16
Updated: 2020-01-16
Packaged: 2021-02-24 19:15:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22283065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Charlie9646/pseuds/Charlie9646
Summary: Find Joy In Your Sorrow was the title on the sheet music, if anyone asked Severus how he felt about Regulus was he loved him. In the only way he could.The road to their forever isn’t a yellow brick road, but happiness can be found in the darkest of situations if only you turn on a light.“After all this time? Always.”
Relationships: Lily Evans Potter/James Potter, Regulus Black/Severus Snape
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41
Collections: Hermione's Nook RarePair Soulmate Fest





	Find Joy In Your Sorrow

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you LunaRavenclaw9 for betaing this and helping me with the soulmate stuff

Severus Tobias Snape was four the first time he noticed what the words on his forearm said. They had always been there but his mother had finally taught him to read after quite a bit of begging on his part. The words declared “You meet in the heat when you are low.”

  
  


He asked Eileen, ”What does that mean Mum?”

She brushed his slightly greasy black hair from his pale face. Eileen knew she should be a better mother, she knew she should try harder. Her son deserved better, but her own pain felt as if someone had tied lead weights to her feet one night when she was not looking. Eileen felt as if she was drowning, but she was not the one who suffered most. That was, unfortunately, her son. Her boy. Her Severus. The only bright spot in this dirty muggle home, in this dirty muggle city, with that nasty muggle man. 

Severus was the only bit of magic Eileen had left in her life. Her wand long since snapped by the man who was supposed to be her soulmate, but turned out to be a monster. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A demon pretending to be an angel. Tobias was her worst choice, but it had never really been her choice to make. That had been decided by fate before she was even born.

Fate’s apology for such an action seemed to be her son, but it too seemed her son was cursed with a similar suffering. 

After Merlin only knew how long she finally got the courage to speak, ”Severus... I believe that means you will meet your soulmate after a sad time in your life.”

Unlike most children, Severus wasn't upset by the fact that sadness was in his future. If anything he had long since accepted that unhappiness was just a fact of life. Eileen pitied her son, even she had believed that the world was still a good place when she was his age. Her son did not seem to feel the same. He had accepted the cruel reality that the world owed you nothing. Not one damn thing. Not even a nice soulmate.

**********************

  
  


Regulus was happy when he first could read the words that decorated his skin. They brought joy to his heart every time he read them since Blacks tended to get what they wanted. His said,“You meet surrounded by green and water.”

  
  
  


His mother said it meant he would move to another country he was supposed to live in. But, his father said, ”I believe it means he's the one who is going to be our proper heir. He's the one with a soulmate who's a Slytherin.”

His mother nodded, Regulus was always her favorite of her two sons. She desperately wished he would have been born the heir and that Sirius, her problem child, would have been the spare because, with an heir like Sirius, they were likely going to need the spare. After the boy read the words on his own arm Sirius had decided he hated his family and everything they stood for. 

With that, her once kind and gentle son became a thorn in her side. At least they’d had Regulus, right? He would be a good heir. The future of the Black family rested on the five-year-old’s small shoulders. But, that was just a typical consequence of being born into a respected pureblood family. Generations before him had felt such weight. But she was worried about her well behaved, sometimes even downright gentle, son crumbling under such pressure.

Would the spare become the heir?

************************ 

The day Regulus met Severus Snape he just knew this boy, was his soulmate. How? He could just feel it in every fiber of his being. In his very soul. If only the other boy could realize that. He couldn’t truly explain why, but he just knew. 

All Severus seemed to care about was the muggleborn girl, Evans or something, that he followed around like some sort of lost puppy. Before Regulus had gotten the nerve up to introduce himself to his housemate, the Gryffindor and Slytherin had a screaming match outside of the entrance to the Slytherin common room. 

She did not like his other friends. She did not like that he accepted the kindness and gifts from the likes of Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Black. Did he know the type of people he was surrounding himself with? That Bellatrix used borderline illegal spells?

Did he know that Lucius Malfoy was only using him? That the man did not want to be his friend but instead used him for the potions he made for him? 

Regulus thought it was a load of hogwash. Bullshit piled on top of more bullshit. The girl likely believed that she was the only one good enough to be Snape’s friend, but he was not good enough to be around her friends from her own house. 

That girl was just like his brother, Sirius. A spoiled child who thought only of themselves. She needed to either cut ties with Severus, accept he was a person who could make his own choices, or invite him fully in her other group of friends and make him ”part of the light”.

After the argument, Severus sat in an armchair by the fire. He was not crying, but he seemed rather close to doing so. 

Regulus walked over to him and said, ”Hello... My name is Regulus Black. I am a first-year. And your Severus, Severus Snape.”

Severus snarled, ”What does it matter to you? Why do you care who I am? Your brother did his very best to make me miserable for all of last year! Coming here to do the same? To poke fun at me too? Go ahead, Black, my day can't get any worse.”

Regulus sighed softly, ”I... Don't want to hurt you, Severus. I’m not like my brother. I want to be your friend. I think you might be my soulmate...”

Severus’ face turned an angry shade of red as he said, ”You. Are. Not. My. Soulmate! You are a boy, that's just wrong. It's gross. I know who my soulmate is, and she's not you!”

Regulus said, ”You think your soulmate is that mudblood? Evans?”

Severus said, ”She’s far more than that! You have no right to call her that name. She's my soulmate.”

Regulus deadpanned, ”Then what are the words on her arm?” 

Severus stared at him black eyes sharp as knives, he was the same age as Sirius, and yet at this moment, the boy looked far more dangerous than Sirius ever could. This boy had seen things and experienced things that Regulus might never, and part of him hoped he never would. 

Severus said softly, “You meet with shock in a new place.”

  
  


Regulus asked, “but does your soulmark connect to how you met her?”

Black eyes narrowed and he said, ”Yes... It does.”

Regulus noticed how unsure Severus seemed but dropped it. 

Severus said, ”Will that be all, with your downright crazy ideas, Black? It's getting rather late and I want to go to sleep.”

The younger of two said, ”Whenever you want to talk, Severus, I will be waiting.”

**************************

Severus did not know why he was even here, Bellatrix had insisted he come to this party. She kept waving in his face like a carrot the fact that she could help him get a job. The Auror left him standing in the foyer of Malfoy manor as she went off to go socialize with someone named Tom Riddle. 

He wanted to bolt from this home, to go back to his room and hide from his father as he read his books. He had yet to be able to afford to move out. Instead, he hung up his cloak while a house-elf stared at him, her weathered face taking in every detail of him. 

She muttered, ”Halfbloods in the manor, what has this family come to?”

Severus said, ”Nothing beyond joining the modern era.”

Lucius walked in just then, dressed in a way that made him look like a prince. White hair slicked back out of his face, ice blue eyes taking in every detail of Severus. Occasionally the dark-haired teen wondered what made him so interesting to the blonde. What made him, of all people, worth an invite to this party? 

He was snapped out of his thoughts by music, someone was playing the piano. It reminded Severus of his childhood, of sitting next to his mother curled into her side while listening to her softly hum as she played the piano. Which was in, of all places, the church his father insisted that they attend.

Severus nodded along to what Lucius said, not really bothering to listen anymore. The man could have been telling him what he wanted to buy Narcissa for Christmas or that one of the men in his parlor was going to try to take over the world. 

Narcissa came into the entryway where they still stood. She shoved her shoulder lightly into Severus’ and whispered softly, “if you want to find him, he’s upstairs.”

She did not have to say who it was, no, Severus knew who she spoke of and the part of him that still believed in good things hoped that the man would accept him as he was. 

Narcissa’s soul mark said you meet where grass grows and children play. It was a rather odd statement. It could be anywhere, which meant it could be anyone. But, thinking about it, Severus doubted that. It was Lucius. The way the man seemed to brighten the moment she walked into the same room as him. The way she clung to his arm. They were, in a sense, like two sides of a single coin.

Perfect for one another, soulmates.

Back when Severus was a child, he would have insisted it was Lily who completed him. That she was his soulmate but looking back, she had simply been a good friend. A light in his darkest days, though a light that was never really his. He and Lily were never meant to be more than friends. 

She was what he had wanted, but not what he needed. Severus stared down as he climbed the staircase at the words on his own arm, {soul mate thing}, he’d had them memorized for over a decade, but they had been there since he took his first breath. 

They were a comfort on the coldest nights, he traced them as he hid in his room, every time people said no one was ever capable of loving a freak like him, he thought of those odd little words. He knew they were proof someone would one day love him. Truly and wholeheartedly love him.

It didn't matter if his father and mother were the worst of what could happen to soulmates, that their broken spirits tied them together. They were like drowning people in their desperation to save themselves and they only seemed to push down the very person capable of saving them.

Severus promised himself if his soulmate and he ended up like that, he would walk away. The truth is, growing up in a dorm of boys he learned he was different quite quickly. He did see the point of Avery’s dirty magazines, filled with men and women. He felt uncomfortable by the sounds of the other boys touching themselves down there. They talked about when they would find their soulmate and what they would do to them.

But Severus had found no interest in that. He wanted someone to sit next to fire with, to hold at night, to spend a life with. He wanted someone to be there. To love him. He wanted them to be his light at the end of the tunnel and he hoped, prayed to Merlin that he could be the same to them.

He wanted to feel something that he had never felt before, Severus wanted to finally belong. He thought he belonged with Lily, but even he could see the way she and Potter looked at each other. But, maybe all those years ago Regulus had been right. They did belong together. Just not in the way one would assume.

He hit the top of the stairs, the music was louder now and it called to him like a siren song. It was as if the music spoke directly to him. This was something far more magical than the strongest spell in the world. His mother once told him when he was young, what it felt like if you tried to push back against fate. Fate tended to push back. 

It would do everything possible to right itself, and yet if you gave in to it, you could have a happy life. A truly happy life. 

Severus took the step towards the doorway where the music was coming from and in that moment he gave in to fate. Whatever it was to be with Regulus he would let fate take him there. Because surely it had to be better than what his existence was now.

Alone. Always, Alone. 

James Potter made snide remarks to him quite regularly that he always wore long sleeves because Snivy must not have a soul mark. No one was capable of loving greasy Snivellus. Fate must have decided he was better off alone. 

That wasn't true, the words on his arm spoke that as clear as day. He wore long sleeves— because to him—those words we're personal. They weren't something to be shared with everyone. Because in his heart of hearts he knew who they were related to, even if it took him over a decade to admit it.

Severus twisted the brass doorknob and he was faced with Regulus, long black hair hung in his face, pale long fingers on piano keys. It was as if the sky, in a way, was opening up and the light of day finally was shining on him. This was meant to be, he had just been too stupid, too ignorant, too blind, too foolish to see it all those years ago.

The music suddenly stopped the note ringing loudly out. 

Regulus said, ”Why are you here?”

Severus said, ”Bellatrix invited me.”

The Black heir said, ”Not in this house, here in this room. Why are you here?”

Severus said, ”Because... I want to start over.”

Regulus shut his eyes and said, ”I shouldn't trust you, I should tell you to get out of here. But I just can't. Come on, follow me.”

He stood and opened the door, Severus sighed as he followed him. Regulus walked straight out to the back garden. He lit a cigarette and said, ”What changed, Severus?”

Severus said, ”Can I have one of those first?”

Regulus handed him a cigarette and used his own to light Severus’. He said, ”Now spill, over a decade and you acted like the very idea of being with me made you sick. Why has that changed?”

”It’s changed... Because I realized, Regulus, I don't want to sleep with anyone. Not anyone.”

Regulus asked, ”Not even Lily?”

He said, ”Not even Lily. Going to call me a freak?”

”I would never call you a freak, Severus. Why in the world would you think I would call you a freak?” His bright blue eyes widened he stood straight in front of Severus and reached out his hand to touch the man’s face. ”I love you, Severus. I have every single day since I realized the person I was waiting for was you, it's always been you.”

Severus said, ”I... Don't know how much I can give you Regulus, I don't know if I can be the person of your dreams.”

Regulus said, ”All you have to do is try, Severus, be what you can, and I will do the same. Be who you are, nothing more nothing less.”

Severus whispered, ”I can try.”

***************************

Severus and Regulus would never be exactly like most soulmates, but they loved each other more than just about anything. Love was not always traditional. It was not always sex, and sex was not always love. It didn’t please Walburga that her heir, her precious son, was with another man. Slytherin or not. 

Orion simply told her soulmates were not by choice, and softly reminded her of their own situation. 

Severus woke up, stretched his lanky arms over his head and walked out into the kitchen. Sitting there on the dining room table like always, was his morning tea and he could not help but smile at the thought of who left it there for him. 

Love is not always things that set your very body on fire. Sometimes love is just a cup of tea waiting for you in the morning. A soulmate is two people tied together for all time, threads in the tapestry that is fate. Always together, but not the same every single time.

Severus could hear Regulus getting ready for work. The shower turned on, and fifteen minutes later Regulus came down the stairs dressed not in his work clothes, but in jeans and a button-down shirt. The man’s hair was still wet, hanging in his clear, pale blue eyes. 

He walked over to Severus and kissed his forehead. Regulus asked him, ”Did you sleep well?”

”About as well as you can expect.”

Their cat, a silver tabby jumped on the table, and Regulus said to her, ”Hannah, why in the world do we even keep you around?”

The cat just stared at him with her green eyes.

Severus grabbed the cat and placed her on the floor. ”We keep her around because no one else will take her.” He said it with rather quite of a bit of seriousness, but his eyes had a brightness to them.

They chatted about their plans for the day. Regulus finally, after the accident at work, was well enough to go back in. Severus planned to work on a few potions in his shop, which suited him quite a bit better than working for the ministry. He was going to have lunch with Lily. 

Harry, her son, was ready for primary school, which meant Lily was finally able to enjoy time of her own. 

This Sunday at supper they would again try and convince Severus’s mother Eileen, to leave Tobias. They did not expect her to, but they still had to try.

It was a quiet, simple, boring life. Many people wouldn't want such a life. But after his childhood, Severus wanted something that was rather peaceful. 

Regulus grabbed up the sheet music that sat on his piano bench. 

Severus asked, “May I see it?”

Regulus nodded and handed it over. The other man read it, seeing the words ”Find Joy In Your Sorrow”.

The younger of the two said, ”It was supposed to be for your birthday, Severus, but I have been struggling to finish it.” His hand went to the back of his neck tugging on his curls.

Severus said, ”It’s a wonderful gift. I am... grateful for it.”

Regulus said, ”I will play it for you when I finish it.”

He said, ”I can't wait to hear it.”

The other man smiled, and they finished getting ready for their day. 

Life wasn't always beautiful, but they would always have each other, and that was far more important than anything else. 

  
  
  


  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
